Shoddyzilla- A Godzilla 2014 Review

Shoddyzilla

A Godzilla 2014 Review

SOME SPOILERS in main article

SPOILER FREE score and conclusion -after the movie poster at the end

            How great was that first trailer? A screaming Bryan Cranston, people jumping out of planes, smoke clearing to reveal the outline of a gigantic monster’s head in profile, and then the roar. Godzilla looked to be shaping up to be one of the films to look out for this year. Then a few more trailers revealed a bit more than we’d like, i.e. the monster in full focus, the plot outline and the villain, but it still looked like it could be special. And then it was unleashed on the world and did, well, very little.

            Seeing Godzilla is like being promised a ‘next generation’ gaming console, being really excited and then opening your package to find a Wii U. Yes it had some nice bits, such as Godzilla himself being portrayed brilliantly, looking spectacular at the climax (where 90% of the VFX budget went),  genuinely coming across as immensely powerful and being a bit more than a typical raging monster antagonist. It was hard to fault any of Godzilla’s 6 minutes on the screen…. (more on this below). Similarly, the MUTOs were designed brilliantly and were satisfying antagonists in a film of this scale, being iconic and deadly and actually showing more emotion than their human counterparts, even with their whole shark faces that have absolutely no way of expressing emotions other than ‘rawwwwrrrr’. Still one more emotion than our male lead.

More emotion than Aaron Taylor Kick-Ass

            But whereas your new Wii U will have a few fun exclusive games, it falls hilariously flat on jocks generals.

its face when compared with the competition fundamentally, it is a failure. Godzilla makes one unforgiveable and surprising mistake. For the bulk, it is mind numbingly BORING. You have these
awesome monsters and instead of teasing them and obscuring them on screen behind smoke or something, like that awesome shot in the trailer (that was cut out), we’re forced to watch the most pointless and detached human story in recent film history. Aaron Taylor Kick-Ass plays…. someone, a wooden, bomb defusal expert that fails to defuse any bombs, loses both of his parents and still fails to show any emotion and shows no attachment to his family at all. Is this flavourless demeanour deliberate because he’s just back from a tour of duty? Maybe, but if so then don’t make an emotionless brick the main character! Don’t force me to watch a wooden plank instead of God-freaking-zilla! Give me someone with actual charisma to watch! Elizabeth plays Mr. X’s wife and to be fair, she does well with a useless script that sees her making terrible decisions, like not getting on a bus to safety with her son, instead remaining in a city being torn to sh*t by 3 demons of death. She’s not alone though as we get equally stupid decisions from many other characters including the generic army

Unconvincing CGI near beginning....

In fact my main problem is that NONE of the human characters that we’re constantly forced to watch have anything to do with the overarching plot and help defeat the MUTOs at all. Kick Ass’s character is a bomb defusal expert that isn’t given a chance to defuse a bomb until after it’s completely out of harm’s way and serves no point and even the, he faints before doing anything. The opening subplot involving losing his mother may as well not be in it as it only serves to suggest MUTO has been around for a while. The death of his mum (and later dad) LITERALLY do not change him at all. There is no impact on him, no character development and he is even able to explain to his wife on the phone pretty easily “dad’s gone” in a passing manner. Pointless is a theme of the film, with several scenes, shots and subplots being placed in for…. no reason at all. The trailers teased Bryan Cranston as the main actor and well, that was a lie. Not only does he disappear after the opening act but also he has absolutely no impact on the rest of the plot.Kick Ass rescues a boy separated from his parents for a few minutes. He helps the kid survive a MUTO attack and returns him to his folks. And not a single emotion was shown that day. The kid is never seen again and Kick Ass is still as cold afterwards. Was this just a desperate plea to make me like this guy a little?

You’ll find your Wii U is lacking in technical power compared to your neighbours’ PS4s and XBones . Sure enough the CGI is crap until the final fight (which is spectacular, if a little short). Godzilla himself doesn’t look fully rendered when seen in the daylight or hasn’t been composited accurately, but he looks plasticky and definitely too dark and detailed when he should be more out of focus and subtley shaded. Particle effects for collateral damage was also poor and dated looking at times, especially during the power plant bust in the opening section. I really do remember Pacific Rim blowing me away compared to this. Also at times, especially with the army guys at the end in the city streets, I could have sworn the sound was recorded in a church hall on someone’s phone it was so low quality and echoey.

Overall, I’m sure it will appeal to some and you’ll definitely get some inspired moments of genius from this, but bad planning with a terrible script, awful human characters with equally bad acting from most of the cast and a gut wrenching decision to focus 95% of the time on some of the least relatable and unlikeable characters you’ll ever watch and only 5% on the things that mattered- the awesome kaiju. Starts off exciting and thrills at the end but expect yourself to be bored through the middle and wishing you just rented Pacific Rim instead.

2.3/5