The 2022 Scottscars
Hello readers! Hope you’re both well.
2022 was a funny old year in the movies. There’s certainly a sense of Hollywood trying to find its place in the new post-covid landscape, to varying success. Disney’s MCU experiments had mixed results, with the Disney plus shows varying wildly in quality and Thor 4 being an attempt to make a film about cancer into a stand up comedy routine.
The year started with Will Smith’s slapping Oscars performance, then the world heard about Amber Heard’s dog stepping on a bee, Ezra Miller continued to be the absolute worst, Henry Cavill being in and out and all about with the Witcher and Superman, Warner Brothers showing absolutely zero confidence in their products by shelving 2 COMPLETED movies and James Gunn deciding to toss out the entire DC universe and rebooting it from scratch.
But one thing that DOESN’T change is the most obscure and least renowned film awards of the year (It’s tradition now, so we're stuck with it). Welcome to the 2022 Scottscars!
The running order as always:
The 2022 Scottsars Awards
Last years predictions
2023 movie predictions
My 2022 Stats
Because the Scottscars are 100% my personal opinion, here’s what we’re working with!
Movies watched 106
Cinema : 43 times
Streaming: 45 times
Blu ray/DVD: 13 times Could this be RIP?
Most watched actor/actress: tie between Michelle Yeoh/ Donnie Yen/ Idris Elba
Most Watched Director: Wilson Yip
Notable films I haven’t seen this year:
Strange World
Marcel The Shell With Shoes On (2023 UK release)
The Woman King
The Bubble
Aftersun
Tar (2023 UK release)
Weird: The Al Yankovich Film
Puss in Boots The Last Wish - (2023 UK release)
Paws of Fury
Beast
Ambulance
The Bad Guys
Elvis
The Fabelmans - 2023 UK release
Don’t Worry Darling
Belle
All Quiet On the Western Front
And now on to the main event!
2022 Scottscars Awards
Cinema Experience of the Year
Sponsored by LoveFilm
Winner: Top Gun Maverick in IMAX
Top Gun Maverick is the definition of a cinema movie, with its action focussed plot, ludicrously loud jet engine sounds and epic practical stunts. Paired with IMAX and you can’t help but feel you’re up there in the sky, doing barrel rolls with Tom Cruise, miles and miles away from Earth and real life worries…. Like your mortgage…… oh great. Take me back up there!
Runners Up:
-Everything Everywhere All At Once in IMAX
-Avatar : The Way of Water in IMAX
-Moonfall
-Seeing The Room and Miracle Valley with star Greg Sestero there
Shock of the year Award
Presented by Chris Rock
Winner: Moonfall - The Entire Film
The Moon is falling out of orbit and is on a collision course to Earth. What ensues is an ongoing physics lesson presented by a 6 year old child jacked up on coca cola that truly has to be seen to be believed. I think the moon turns out to be an alien spaceship or something, I don’t even know.
Runners Up:
- Taylor Swift getting run over by a car onscreen in Amsterdam
- RRR
- Pompo the Cinephile- an animated film literally about Adobe Premiere Pro
- Matt Smith dancing in front of a mirror for 3 minutes straight in Morbius
Comic Book Movie of the Year
Sponsored by regular books
Winner: Black Panther Wakanda Forever
Probably the last time I’m going to do this award, sadly comic book movies have become a bit overdone and stale, all kind of blending together. The MCU in particular this year has lost its magic for me, with the Disney plus shows continuing to fail to grab me, and the big screen movies not living up to their premises or potential (here’s looking at you Dr Strange).
However, just when I’d all but given up, Black Panther 2 reminded me that the genre can still take risks and say something, break away from the quippy punchy formula (eh, Thor?) and pack a punch. A serious tone for a serious subject matter, brilliant. Dial back on the Iron Man stuff though next time please though!
Runners Up:
-Black Panther Wakanda Forever
-The Batman
-Sorry I can’t nominate Thor, Dr Strange 2 or Black Adam. I just can’t.
The INCYMI Award
Presented by Liz Truss
Winner: RRR
Watching RRR is a truly special experience, like watching your first martial arts film or your first stage play. An incredibly well made, over the top, bombastic action-adventure buddy movie that keeps escalating in insanity, while always keeping its heart. A true pushing the boundaries of what high octane cinema can be with the most over the top stunts, set pieces and excellent cinematography to boot with an epic story between two of the most likable performers you’re likely to see this year. My biggest movie regret this year is watching it on a TV and not on the big screen
Runners Up:
-Lightyear- Bad marketing pinning it as a Toy Story film, which it very much ISN’T, but instead it’s an excellent Sci-Fi movie.
-The Good Boss - Javier Bardem in a FANTASTIC comedy about a CEO who will do ANYTHING to keep his employees on their best behaviour for an upcoming inspection.
-The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Turd of the year Award
Presented by Dr Michael Morbius
Winner: Jurassic World: Dominion
The most prime example of a cynical cash grab you could possibly find. A movie that has nothing to do for its modern main cast, as well as digging up the original Park cast, only to have nothing for them to do either. A movie that ends exactly where it begins, with nothing of substance inbetween- something to do with locusts? Nothing explains how confused the mission statement was more than the fact that the director ‘was surprised when the marketing described it as the climax of the entire Jurrasic saga’ -as that wasn’t what he had made.
Runners Up:
-Thor Love & Thunder a film about cancer and a god killer, played as a comedy special
-Fantastic Beasts 3 You can just tell all the actors are done with these. Nothing happens in it.
- Morbius It’s Morbin’ Time
- Moonfall A movie where the moon falls to Earth. Scientists love it.
2022 Film of the Year
Sponsored by Wiseau Productions
Winner: Everything Everywhere All At Once
Hot dog fingers to a laundromat to sentient rocks and a tax office.
Film of the year really can’t be anything other than Everything Everywhere All At Once.
An impossible to describe sci fi multiverse film about a middle aged asian couple and their teenage daughter, exploring limitless realities and universes while keeping a strong emotional core to hold on to. A true shock at every turn, anchored by incredible performances by Michelle Yeoh, who really should have been a leading lady in Hollywood decades earlier than this, and Ke Huy Quan who shows he’s much much more than just Short Round.
It was frankly embarrassing that EEAAO was released the same week as Disney’s Marvel’s Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness and was able to show a million times more creativity with the 'unlimited multiverse' concept, on a fraction of the budget, as well as staying narratively engaging.
‘In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you’. Damn, what a line.
Runners Up:
-Coda
-RRR
-Top Gun Maverick
On to the predictions!
Last year’s Predictions
1. The Batman is the highest grossing comic book movie of the year.
NO! Somehow Dr Strange 2 got $955m compared to the Batman’s $760m
2. Dr Strange & the Multiverse of Madness is overstuffed with cameos and too many side characters, with the finger being pointed at Disney for ruining Sam Raimi's vision.
YES…..sort of. The cameos that it included were criticized for being just throwaway cameos and the majority say that while it has ‘Raimi-isms’ it didn’t feel like a full Raimi film
3. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is my turd of the year
NO! So close! Nominated
4. Lightyear flops compared to Toy Story standards
YES Certainly did, going by box office $226m. Shame, great movie.
5. The Flash movie faces huge fan backlash when it wipes the Snyder DC films out of canon
VOID Think James Gunn did that and took that backlash. This movie’s been postponed to 2023.
6. Across the Spider-verse reviews (somehow) even better than Into the Spider-verse
VOID Postponed to 2023!
7. Chris Pratt's Mario voice acting has a borderline offensive accent.
NO I mean, it’s not a popular one but it’s not offensive.
8. The Rock and Vin Diesel will kiss and make up, with Dwayne returning for the last instalment of Fast and Furious. The real reason for the make up is actually $$$$
NO although now that Black Adam’s been shelved we may see The Rock change his tune next year
9. Avatar 2 has some kind of technological gimmick, maybe high frame rate?
Yes! It switches from normal 24fps to 48 fps on frames with more motion to ‘keep the 3d comfortable’. I found the switching distracting, like when you see Chris Nolan films jump to IMAX ratios, but it did help 3D
10. My film of the year is Avatar 2
NO Was good, and a technical masterpiece, but not my FOTY.
Total: 3 out of 8
Surely we can do better than that next year.
Next Years predictions:
1. The Flash gets a cinema release and becomes highest grossing comic book movie of the year
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem does very well, critically
3. Henry Cavill signs for Marvel
4. Avatar 3: The Seed Bearer (due 2024) is given a delay
5. A relative unknown, younger actor, is cast as next James Bond
6. Fast and Furious 10 at least HINTS towards time travel of some kind
7. There’s another shift in hierarchy at the top of DC Studios
8. Sony announce a Sinister 6 film
9. Turd of the year is Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
10. Film of the year is Marcel The Shell With Shoes On
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